The Land of Conjurors

The choice can no longer be made at once. Love becomes vague and rational, as always. Spiritual love always is put in the second place. Few people deem that friendship can be no less than love. The worst thing is that I can never be in love, in a relationship. Or, I can never choose to fall in love, again. It seems that there is a choice for us, but those choices are preceded and settled right there. Pathetic. The most fearful thing comes to me, marking the dead end that I have stuck in this pole. One chooses this does not mean one happily stays with it. I deeply know it is didactic to say that one makes excuse for not facing the problem of one's own. If this is not a chance to learn how to solve the problems by knowing the self, then what else is it? It is not to solve the problem, I can say that as well. Everyone can say such excuse without one's responsibility. First time to hear this absurd excuse for not solving the problem as if solving the problem is a kind of easy way ...

There is a place, perhaps sublunary but wild in our breast for centuries. The motor has been set in necessary locked in some nucleus beyond miseries. Deep submerged, along the folds, fold by fold seen far nearer trapped in the motor yet be translucent. Once for whom assumes unlocks the motor, of his pupil mydriasis, bursting  –  a marble belched slipping into our treacle a fly caught in a pulp embroiled within the eight-pattern universe altered into imagined cosmoses fueling, as powders scattered til its sideways seeing catches our light in which we unknow of all that we have known.

Recently snowing under with my business and can scarcely take a small break in chaotic writing. But, just too late to find this out! Also found that the later part of this song is same as the part before G-Dragon sang his solo, "Crooked" at 2013 MAMA Awards. It might be a segment of the song initially two years ago and ultimately created this one. I am intoxicated by this music video for there is a bit element of image regarding dream-pop musical style. The title is called "Sober" nonetheless; the sober element in this new video based upon the image seems to look like 2NE1's MV "Happy." The message of "Sober" may echo their another new song "Loser" though it presents a lighthearted and cheerful atmosphere. Anyways it deserves to be kept in the future for further study of BigBang's works. Besides, I'll find some time to check the translation of its lyrics if unoccupied. Watching BB's new musical video always brings me lot...

It is not the first time that I am to blame for getting into a dead end. To split hairs becomes my problem in the middle of my life and my study. At times I might be too analytical to view things, and such analytical habit tingles with my head, chest and stomach since I feel necessary to express what I desire to say. I keep strenuously changing myself in such troublesome character, but most of the time it fails. Someday I will be put on the tree mass where the thorns upon everywhere, and I should have known that. Yes of course I know it for sure. To some extent I am unaware of my comprehension of what others mean when they unconsciously deliver their thoughts or opinions which makes me feel sorry if it was my fault again. It seems that I obtain no capability to do things right, and I know it deeply in my mind. To seclude from others is the last thing I want to do. It is as if I suddenly tear ourselves apart and go our separate way perpetually. There are some patches sewed within me beg...

It always is hard to bend down myself in a way of behaving someone else. Separately, as you would call it, we have nothing in common, as if we had nothing to chat. No, not even more. You could have taken a leave in front of me. Sympathy saved you more or less. I wished we could go for a different way, but we didn't. I may do my own thing. And you, you keep busying with your business. This could be the best way for both of us, what could be other way we wish? Nothing that has to be pretended since we go our separate way at the moment. A world that is waiting for us, and this is the last thing I wish. What is the freedom anyway? I thought we all knew, but do we really hold on our belief and go our way? Turning, it is as if the direction still has its way to turn to. The possibility of the direction still remains.

What the connection can be in these three ideas? I keep asking myself the same question but still obtaining no answer at all. My advisor said that it was the most important part of all, while I was still impeded by my confusion of my ideas respectively. Sometimes the exhaustion just caught you, you got no where to go. You had been trying to do it precisely and then had been getting things right, but you just came so close or even went astray beyond any expectation. You found it hard to compete with others whom she had praised. But others were gone. Perhaps she thought someday you would go as well. Let the time decide your leaving. People always say that love is a winding road. What could be a winding road? Writing the thesis is definitely not only a winding road but the torturing load. Others would hardly realize it because they just wished you could write it ASAP. Just write it without any hesitation. I knew I must write it without any hesitation. If this is a job to do, then it will ...

Something of traditional Chinese words printed on the leaflet. When I unfolded the paper, there was the artistic inscription upon. The landlady told me if it was the time to leave here since there was a man who would like to offer me a vacant apartment in Taipei. It seemed to be a better opportunity for me to abandon all of the things right away and make my elopement toward that man. But I just received an artistic leaflet that inscribed some traditional Chinese words imitated by an artist's handwriting. The leaflet was a sea-blue paper with the black lightface. At first I thought I couldn't recognize this artist's handwriting until I get it close to me. The words seemed not to be the words but something more like drawing within. At first I saw the word "條" at the first position and then after three words was "離". Others were forgotten except these two words especially on my mind. The word "條" looked so complicated for its line in disorder, por...