The Land of Conjurors

Recently I just get lost and don't have any clue for where I can head for. My thinking tends to be more simple than before, I confess. Every time I feel I almost burst out crying, and thinking perhaps I am no longer the clever person in others' sight. However, the truth is that, this is my destiny, my only plan that perhaps God made me for who I am. And I can't help questioning all these inferiority drawn from me. This is unfair since I would like to do my own way of behavior and thinking. But why there is always lots of difficulties? I don't even know. What do you want me to do? I can even conceive a distinct theme on my topic of graduate thesis, ok, this one seems to far to discuss right now. But I can hardly confront the class which I have been taken at the moment. No matter how hard I try, it seems there are no such gleams of light shine at me. I perceive an enormous hole deepened without the bottom at the end of exploration at all but the eddying circling round and...

It is so difficult to change the stereotype of some certain thing. When I listen to some Korean songs, I am more serious than usual. Others might think that I am kidding, and it's funny that I post their songs for entertaining. Nevertheless, no one will try to perceive the meaning of songs, no matter in lyrics or melodies. I wonder why they are reluctant to do so since they scarcely know the Korean song or even its singers. To my annoyance, I suppose to do some studies about the imitation of G-Dragon. However, it seems that everything has been screwed already for the destined recognition or firm position from the public. Another thing happens after I read Richard Yate's one of short stories.The first one describes a boy who is an orphan and gets less attention from class. Therefore, the teacher tries to help and get involved in boy's predicament in class. With teacher's assistance, the boy assumes that he can be truly realized from the teacher and believes that the tea...

Today, we win at last, but things change too fast as we have expected. I am not sure whether Mr. Chen has a great power to take turn of the problem my friend had encountered. He replies to my friend, saying that he will persuade the candidate before her into giving up the enrollment. The letter was sent this morning, and my friend received the reply this afternoon, so the dealing time was quite fast for waiting merely couples of hours. Fortunately, the result is what we expect, which my friend can back to the school again. It seems to be a good news, but who knows whether there will be other horrible intervention in this problem. Just wish things could go easily and smoothly for my friend's plan.

Dear Lucas, I don't get this world enough. Why, there is still a rule existing firmly in our mental side and even can turn people to be willful as conducting things on their own way. How can I help my friend with her permission to enter the graduate school? Everything becomes so obscure and desperate. We made this rule and then fall into its eddy, isn't it ridiculous somehow? The rule shows everything which you can hardly confront with ultimately and must gradually shrink back to the way you were. And the consequence will tell you, nothing has been changed 'cause you have to follow the discipline of everything. Oh, God, I wish I could know this better, but I did not. Perhaps I always imagine that everything will turn back to the brightness and goodness, but I always deserve other suggestions. Dear Lucas, I have been learning a good many things, you know? But sometimes I just can't easily face the truth of this society or the ugliness emerged from some certain instituti...

It seems that I have seen you envy those guys with eagerness as you wish you could be. But I should realize that things shall not work this way. Something should be changed somehow. You should have known it better as much as you can. This happened when you wished to be someone and write something well or even better. However, it is not truly you, to be honest. Why, I perceive the way that does not suit you anymore, to better the mind and the whole soul being. I can do my better own way and no longer be bothered by you. Therefore, I click the close window of "that pages" without any regret for the person being like he or her. To be acutely reasonable and deeply sentimental lead me to disaster in darkness, while I have no objection to give hindrance to my characters. It begins when your messages, which I notice, are all about the shadow from professors, and your way of thinking clings to some certain theorists. If I could see through you earlier, I would know you clearly and th...

Is it any chance that he can back to the track he was? He looks at himself with blind eyes, considering if there is a chance in his face that may turn him around. But he can hardly find one to continue its own way. His tears are falling upon his cold look, and he tries to brew tears as hard as he can. Exhausted as he is now, he still picks up the phone immediately, but he answers the phone with his languid voice. What he had heard lies no echo over there but merely the silence moving along. Such silence that he acutely perceives remains an empty bottle. Again the peace comes to him, but it appears that this time he feels less pain and struggle of anguish.  He calls it the peace, but I don't think so. A peace without a peaceful mind, crawling everywhere on his body and then his head, waiting for the next meeting with volcano, preparing himself for erupting his so-called "peaceful mask."

This may perhaps the simplest and purest relationship among us. No relationship of love, hatred and indifference. We all had a great time, truly, and we even can have it without a word. This will be very precious for the memory of my graduate school. To be honest, I feel I have changed somehow, believe it or not. But I have try to face the predicament as I take this trip and found out my real problem. The true thing is not that I learn to talk to others or stay with them with responsibility and necessity but that the easement to me and peace in my mind emerge with natural existence. For this reason, I feel less fear than before, not all are gone, but comfortable as I stay in the way I have. This time, it seems that I have somewhat perceived what Lucas does, and I feel grateful for what I have with all these things around me. I have opened my mind for so many things and met some special friends. Actually I kind of feel touched. Something you can hardly tell me in a minute and in a certa...